Working towards Complete Freedom
I know there are no words to express how much our connections mean to me so I will try to capture my meaning in my poem.
I feel freer, more alive, and more whole than I was before.
I now have more understanding and forgiveness of my past experiences and my decision to keep part of me secure.
I was stuck, shut away, lost in all that I had and was experiencing in life.
Filed away, kept safe in a hope that I wouldn’t hurt no more.
I had tried to get out many times before, only to discover I had locked the door.
I couldn’t remember what I had done or where I had put the key.
So there I was stuck and it was getting really hard to breath.
Part of me must have known where I needed to be, because on my first day of the course I had already started to see.
I acknowledged and shared my feelings of feeling safe and secure and I expressed that been here was like coming home to me.
However I have to confess I was really shocked and surprised at first when I noticed you all had a key.
A key that I thought could potentially hurt me, but my heart on the other hand was shouting set me free.
I felt safer that none of you entered, you would all just visit and leave, leaving gifts outside the door for me.
However I also felt frustrated, “ho, why could you all not see” that I didn’t have a key?
One day I started to wonder how I had become so stuck, that once you all had gone I started to open boxes slowly one by one.
I was amazed with what I had stored and what I could remember.
Some of the boxes started to disappear but others stayed the same.
Upon reflection I started to understand, that connected to these boxes was blame.
It was then that I realised I hadn’t lost my key; the only person who could open the door, was me.
As trust developed between us I felt safe enough to move, then safe enough to pick up your gifts that helped me to choose.
As time passed by my confidence grew and I was able to bring out a box, then two, as I started to share I laid myself bare.
The feeling that I had felt that day, I had defiantly experienced before, but how is it that I remember, as I was only about four?
I felt free in every way and so excited to explore, fearless of things people might say as none of you had ever banged on my door.
You all just listened and accepted me, my feelings and my thoughts. This allowed me to be free and to feel safe enough to explore.
I would come back with other boxes that I struggled to understand and together we would wonder about the contents in my hands.
I have learnt through you all, acceptance and forgiveness for myself and for others, through my understanding of why and how I became stuck. You all have helped me to move, helped me to love myself, and helped me to heal myself and through all of this I experience freedom, freedom to live and freedom to explore once again. Thank you, Brain Charlesworth, Kay McFarlane, Roger Higgins, Paul Nicholson, Divine Charura, Stephen Paul, Jayne Godward. For helping me find my key, I am forever grateful.
Poem Sharon Shaw, Picture Emily Simpson